Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
