The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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