So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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