I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
