So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
