She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I intend to get homeless drunk
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
