i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
