Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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