Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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