Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
