I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
