Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just puked most of my soul out..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
