ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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