As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
