That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
