last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Actions speak louder than pants.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
