I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
