I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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