i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Blow job season was short but glorious.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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