Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Randomize
