Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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