But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
