i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Randomize
