you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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