Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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