evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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