He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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