So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
and she was petting her beer can
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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