the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
