There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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