I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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