I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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