my mouth tastes like poor choices
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
