apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
