You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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