Me too!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
