The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
