Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
