No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
