And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
