Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
