guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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