Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
