he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
