dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
