Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Your penis caused this!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
