remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
this is an emotional support booty call
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
