So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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