I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
