Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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