His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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