I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Enjoy the penises
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
