I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
