if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
