I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
