I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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