Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
