This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just invented taco cereal.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
