Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
