guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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