we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The Olympian is in my bed
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
