Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
