Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
