nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
