is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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