I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
